Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
