After last night, I could never be a politician.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
