What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
