I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
