Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
