all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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