Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
