haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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