I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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