Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
