Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
