Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
