:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
