I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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