pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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