Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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