I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
