wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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