The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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