there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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