Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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