Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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