I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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