Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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