I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
