After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
