Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
