wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
