Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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