I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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