When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
