The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
