haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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