What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
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there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
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Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”