We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe isn't a time...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants