Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"