FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
