I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION