we have pet lesbian snakes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
