Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
