he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
