DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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