wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
