Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Randomize
