In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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