imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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