yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
