he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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