I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
