One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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