my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
