did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
