i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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