So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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