First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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