Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
