I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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