If i come over, it means nothing
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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