i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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