I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize
