Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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