A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
