So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I party with great urgency now.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
