hell yes lets make some ravioli
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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