Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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