What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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