Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just cropdusted the office
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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