i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize