I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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