if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
