I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
