I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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