she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
