If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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