I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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