I think I am morally bankrupt
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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