so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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