So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
