i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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