Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
