Soap is not a condiment
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
