As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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