my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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