Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
