so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
